I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
