First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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