Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is my gift to your gina
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
