Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
