Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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