also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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