mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
