Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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