I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
