even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
