I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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