I'm drive I can fine osifer
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
