i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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