i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
