i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
