I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
