I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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