So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize