Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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