If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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