Sponge bath it is.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
