I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
