I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
