I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
