Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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