He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
