you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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