you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
