The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
