"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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