please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
