im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
