this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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