My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
