I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
