Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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