I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Dicks are not precious.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
