bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
