I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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