super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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