Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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