he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
