may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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