Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
