I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
