go do what you do best...puke behind churches
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
