I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
