Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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