happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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