I got chris browned last night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
