Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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