Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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