bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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