Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Randomize
