Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
