Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
