I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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