I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
