Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
