so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
