i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
