I wish I only lived at night.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
