Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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