Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
