omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
