Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
