I want to walk on stilts...naked
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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