I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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