Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
