Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
