She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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