I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
