I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
