She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
