I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
