we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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