Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
