i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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