I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
