I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
