everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
