nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
