It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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