oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
