Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
