Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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