So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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