So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
