I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
