It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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