You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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